If you watched my video on my Facebook page on Thursday you would have known I was starting my Christmas shopping and went off to Lakeside.
There were a few teaching points on this day, starting with the traffic there and back. This was out of our control, so as always with things out of your control there is no point fretting and getting stressed. Who does that help?
However the biggest learning, and the cutest was at lunchtime!
My First Heartbreak
We went to lunch at a restaurant called Tortilla, and sat down to eat.
Parker, our one year old son, was sitting in a highchair facing towards Lucie & I. Sat behind him was a girl who looked no more than 15 years old!
All he wanted to do was twist round, give her food, and generally try to say whatever he could to her.
We were sat there for around 15 minutes before they left. Parker was twisted round for the majority of that time. When she left, Parker waved her a cute goodbye but was sad she had left.
Parker is only 12 months old, and he won’t remember this occasion. What he will likely experience is many disappointing situations. This is just part of life, if he is to put himself out there and pursue what he wants then it won’t always be plain sailing.
It doesn’t matter if you are 6 months, 12 months or 40 years old, ahead of you there will be times when you will experience moments of sadness, frustration, anger and many other negative based emotions. However you always have a choice! You will always be able to choose how you respond.
Luckily for little Parker, he had only just met this young girl and can easily be distracted : )
Just Not Ready
I have done many courses and in most of these you have to partner up with someone. This experience can prove to be awkward when you don’t know anyone, and everyone is a strange to one another.
The rooms can range from number of 40 to 150, and with all sorts of personalities. You get to do the exercises and need to partner up, everyone is looking around looking for eye contact etc. before both usually making some sort of signal to work together.
The best advice I had ever received and tell myself constantly is ‘they are just not ready for me yet’.
There could be multiple reasons for someone not working with you, or talking to you in a bar, or even keeping quiet when you walk past them. However we tend to always think towards a negative outcome.
Telling yourself something along the lines ‘they are just not ready for me yet’ can shift your mindset and ensure you remain confident. It is far more empowering than thinking along the lines of you not being good enough.
Parker hasn’t experienced life and his thinking will be quite simple. He won’t need to make stories up in his head and he won’t have been conditioned to do this. He will just see it like another girl, however someone who was 11 years+ is more likely to come up with their own conclusions. Most of the time not true!
The fabricated stories we often tell ourselves are negative when we don’t get the outcome we desired. This does not help and is certainly not productive. It just serves to makes us feel worse and beat ourselves up more. You cannot change was has happened, however you do get to choose how you view it, and how you decide to respond. Choose to look at the facts and keep her head held high!
You are good enough! Keep learning, and keep looking forward.
You, just like Parker will experience heartbreaks, disappointment etc. however it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you!
In Parker’s case I am sure if there was a 14 year or so age gap he would have had a chance…. However this is a pretty good conclusion on this occasion.
If you don’t get the outcome you wish, you will always be able to take away learnings. What you can’t do is beat yourself up, and fabricate stories in your head.
Storytelling, and negative thinking are habits which can be installed easily but are destructive. Remember, ‘they or it is just not ready for you yet!’
Keep to the facts. Facts in this story would be that the girl spoke and played with Parker, and then left. Think back to your last disappointing situation, what stories did you tell yourself? What blanks did you fill in? How did this help you?