If You Want My Advice

Mindset Coach

If you want my advice, I would tell you to continue reading this post, and have a read of further posts. The content will really help you, and you will be able to develop as an individual and achieve success.

Of course I am going to say that. Why? Well I want to help as many people as possible with their lives, and to attract further clients to work with. 

Be careful with taking on others’ peoples advice. If someone is providing you advice they are giving it to you from their perspective, their reality!

This is NOT your reality nor is it your perspective. Advice, of course, has its place in the world. Those who have achieved something, whether that be getting their child through an illness to building a 6 figure business, are able to offer those of us who have not experienced that a pathway. They are able to mentor us in our journeys to ensure we are able to achieve success in our own lives. 

I have a 1 year old, and would ask advice from my partners parents, or other family or friends who have been through similar events with their children. This ensures we are utilising resources to try and get the best results for our son. Now our son will have different characteristics & traits to their children so what works for their children may not work for us. Its being aware though and having options. 

Giving Advice

How often have you given advice? Think back to the last time you offered someone advice regarding a difficult problem they were experiencing. How easy, on a scale of 1 – 10 (1 being hard, 10 being easy), did you find giving them advice? 

In my experience it is fairly easy giving advice to others. You look at it from a logical perspective, and see how you would get from A to B or thereabouts. 

However, how easy is it when that advice you have given is what you have to put into practice. 

Looking at something which has a lot of emotion in it such as a relationship with a significant other. If your friend came to you and said their other half had been cheating what would you tell them to do? Chances, are you would say you need to leave them, it isn’t good nor healthy and they should leave.

Now, switching that around how easy would you find it to leave? Some will say easy, however some will find it extremely difficult although they would have told their friend how to do it. 

When we give advice we are not feeling that emotion, so we can think clearly. However when it is happening to us, the emotion is what is driving us if we are not in control. 

Receiving Advice

When someone is giving you advice, their advice can come from a variety of places. However first of all I just want to view it coming from a good place, with good intentions for you. 

Remember, as mentioned above, when you receive advice it is coming from their perspective, therefore their reality. Not yours. 

They can only provide advice from what they know, or think they know. If they have good intentions they will want you to do well, they will want to help you. Does this mean they will help? No. 

You will have a different way of doing things, different values, different beliefs. If you follow someone’s advice but it is not congruent with your values then your results will not be as expected. As the saying goes, Walk a mile in my shoes. So although they want well for you, it could be that you end up further away from what you want because you have gone against values, beliefs and attitudes you weren’t even aware of. 

The Saboteur Advice

Now some will give you advice, and their way of coming at it, is to take you away from what you want to achieve. 

This advice could be coming from a way of jealousy. If someone is jealous of your success, then instead of them working their socks off to achieve their own success, they will subtly go about finding ways to sabotage yours. If they were giving advice, they may be looking to give advice which would be getting you to stop or change direction to get away from your intended destination. Some could be in fear that your success may eclipse theirs, so instead of looking to help, they will hinder. Their advice as the other will look to deter you. 

Even those with good intentions will be saboteurs, but they may come from it at an angle of not wanting you to get hurt, whether that be physically, or emotionally. If they worry about the potential outcomes effects they may intentionally try to give advice which derails you. 

Mentoring & Coaching

I am by no means saying never take someone else’s advice. I am saying be aware that it isn’t the only way of doing something. 

This post isn’t to say coaching is better than mentoring. Mentoring & coaching both have equal places in the world of professional support, and I have had mentors, and will be looking to a mentor again. However please be aware that giving and receiving advice comes from differing perspectives, which have a variety of values, beliefs, experiences, emotions attached to them. 

Your situation is unique to you. Whatever you are going through, could be similar to someone else, however the way it is experienced is different. You will not have the exact same feelings as someone else. Your feelings are unique to you! You could be feeling anxious as could the other, but being anxious will have different descriptions. 

If I asked you how does being confident feel, you will provide that answer, but your friend will provide a different answer. 

The feelings and emotions attached will be why giving advice is easier, than taking it yourself. 

If you have never done something and require assistance to be shown by an expert in that particular field such as business then source a mentor. Ensure you get recommendations etc. to ensure you know what they are telling you is valid. If you want to know how to live your life, then you don’t need a mentor for that. Only you will know how to live your life. If you start getting others to tell you how to live your life, then you have given up the control. Others will be driving you. 

Most of the time we know how to get through issues, or identify new ways of thinking, but it is just about getting those thoughts out. This is where a coach will be really helpful, and ask the relevant questions to raise further awareness. 

Take Away

Other people, the internet, apps, books etc. are resources. Read them from your perspective. If someone is telling you how to do something, change it to your way of thinking. You will then be able to find a way that works for you. The advice give could be congruent and bang on the money. However you will only know this if you evaluate it first. 

Look at the first sentence on this post by me for example:

If you want my advice, I would tell you to continue reading this post, and have a read of further posts. The content will really help you, and you will be able to develop as an individual and achieve success.

You may have read this and thought, I would like to read more to get a different way of thinking or perspective. Alternatively, you may think Stevie doesn’t have a clue I can’t stand him. 

Either is fine, you are entitled to that opinion. Find ways that work for you! 

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