How often are you happy after having an argument? Be honest with yourself.
Growing up, I would argue until I was blue in the face, or, as would prove to be more often the case, when the other person gave up. I could have been there for hours arguing my point.
Simple. I wanted to win the argument, and I wanted to be right.
Are there times, whereby I still do this? Absolutely! However, they are far more infrequent now than they were when I was younger, and perhaps not as wise.
This post may surprise you, or if you are really honest with yourself perhaps it won’t. Even if I knew I was wrong I would continue to argue my point until the other gave in to submission and gave up. There was only one reason for this, and for all of us, it is usually our biggest challenge, our number one foe!
What is it?
My ego is a lot more manageable these days, mainly due to being secure with who I am, knowing exactly who I am. Does ego still rear its ugly head? Yes. It can stop me from achieving my goals, it can get me into arguments, it can stop me bushing my boundaries and stumping personal growth.
Ego, as Ryan Holiday puts it, is the enemy.
The One Argument To Win
So the ego can get us arguing and more likely keeps us in that space. However, which argument can you win. Well let’s have a look at a few examples
You are in an argument, and quickly you realise you are actually wrong! Well, in that case, you have lost the argument.
Or, you are in an argument, and as I mentioned above the other person gives up although you haven’t factually proven your point. You haven’t won the argument you have just proven yourself to be a bit of an ass who needs to massage their ego. Again, you have lost!
However, what if you have proven your point. The other person is wrong, and you are correct. Again, yes you could argue that you have won. However, think of how the other person feels. Who likes to be wrong? If it is in front of others, who likes to look silly in front of others? The fact is that person hasn’t come away feeling great. You haven’t won anything! If you feel like you have won, and that is what you need then take a little look at yourself. What is it you are really craving?
Of course, there will be arguments. No matter what happens in life there will be some form of conflict along the way. Whether that is internal with yourself or externally with other people.
Think more about what the outcome is that you are looking to achieve.
Arguments are more likely to bring upon stress.
Winning and losing brings pressure if that is how you are viewing it. Continual stress is not going to allow your mental and physical wellbeing to improve.
If you are finding satisfaction in having arguments, winning arguments or perhaps starting them wonder what it is that isn’t currently going the way you want it to go.
I can honestly say sometimes I will have an argument for the sake of it, and most of the time the outcome is to wind the other person up. I could be in an irritable mood or tired. Is this right? No! I am able to identify it better and understand it and apologise if I do do it. Overall though, I am a lot better at recognising when I am getting to a certain point.
The only argument you will win is the one you don’t have!